it's simple

I have been working in retail for two and a half years. I like the flexibility and it has worked well with my school schedule.... however... I am DONE with dealing with stupid jerks who think they are smarter and better than me who are in reality, so stupid I'm not sure how they continue to function. I WORK IN A COFFEE SHOP PEOPLE I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! Due to recent frustrations at work I have decided to create a list of cafe etiquette for those of you who don't work in retail or are just not aware.

1. I work in a cafe, I am trained to work in the cafe, therefore I kinda know what I'm doing. Don't talk to me like I'm 3 years old and stupid. You might find your drink was made wrong on purpose.

2. Get off your damn cell phone! I cannot recount how many time I have been tempted to take away someones cell phone and drop it in a bucket of sanitizer. You can get off your cell phone long enough to order a cup of coffee. On this note, DO NOT tell me to 'hold on'. you are in MY line, and you are on MY time. Do not continue your conversation until you have completed your transaction with me. After that you are free to be an inconsiderate prick.

3. I need you to not stand right in front of the counter if you don't know what you want. Because that means I have to stand there too when I could be doing something productive like oh I don't know CLEANING. Kinda stand BACK away from the counter while you make up your mind. I don't mind if you aren't sure what you want because I don't always know what I want but DON'T stand right in front of my counter.

4. Along those lines, if you have been standing in a line you should know by the time you get to the counter what you want. If you don't maybe you should have gotten off your damn cell phone or stopped talking to your friend/significant other long enough to make up your mind!

5. No, we do not have gas station cappuccino. We make a real cappuccino. So if I try to offer you a latte when I know you don't know what the hell you are talking about don't get pissy with me.

6. SPEAK UP! I have blenders, ovens, microwaves, coffee brewers, and espresso machines going, sometimes all at once, which interferes with my ability to hear, if you mumble and talk in a low voice I can't hear you and I will have to ask you to repeat yourself. If I do ask you to repeat yourself I would appreciate it if you WOULD speak up and if you would not get an attitude while doing it. I'm not asking again because I'm stupid I'm asking again because I cannot hear you.

7. Wait until you hear the drink called that you order. Sometimes we have to make the drink of the person who ordered before you and therefore your drink will be made AFTER their drink. LISTEN PEOPLE! don't assume that the next drink thrown on that counter is yours.

8. I am not your maid nor am I your mother. Clean up after yourself.

9. Tell me what size you want. If I offer you a Venti size don't just say "no". I can't read your mind. If you don't want that size tell me what size you do want.

10. If you wanted your drink non-fat and without whip, tell me at the counter so I can write it on the cup so the person making the drink will know how to make it. Don't wait till we've made the drink to tell us.

11. We have five different kinds of cookies. If you come up to the counter and go "I want a cookie" I am going to have to ask what kind of cookie you want. And if you go "oh I don't know" you get to wear the stupid sign.

12. Sandwiches have to be heated up as do stratta and pretzels. Get impatient and you will most likely have a really bad dining experience.

13. Certain drinks have to be stirred before they will taste good. If you had been to Starbucks you would know this. However since you obviously don't, don't get upset when I suggest you stir your drink first and then try it. If you still don't like it I can make it over, but try stirring it first.

14. I don't like Frappuccinos. I just don't. So I can't really give you my opinion on how they taste because to me they all taste gross. I'll try and give you as best a suggestion as I can but remember, not everyone likes everything.

15. TEENAGERS: you guys drive me out of my friggin mind. STOP giggling and tell me what you want. I am not impressed with your daddy's credit card, or your ugly designer handbag, or the pile of smutty magazines in your arms that you will eventually leave in my cafe for me to clean up. You may giggle and gossip all you want when you sit down. Just don't waste my time.

16. I don't like drinks that are really sweet. Which is why I don't like the white mocha (And if I do drink it I cut the amount of syrup in half). So my opinion is once again skewed.

17. To you teenage boys, I am flattered that you think I am attractive, but I am almost 23 years old. I am also not interested in you nor do I think its cute when you want to know what I drink so you can try it. You won't like it. I promise. Not many people like drinks with 4 shots of espresso.

18. When we are closed we are closed. I will kick you our of my cafe. I have a life and homework to do. I need to go home and either sleep or study.

I might think of more later.